In my four years in the porn industry, I have often been asked what turns me on and what turns me off. Worried that I am not naturally sexy enough, I frequently embellish the truth or just flat out lie in favor of sustaining some porn star fantasy I think people expect. Two recent events have prompted me to blog the truth about my turn ons and offs: a hook-up gone sour and a new website.
Judge me all you want but I happen to love the steam room at the gym. It's my own perverted version of Gorillas In The Mist: primal, non-verbal communication in a humid environment where mimicking actions and occasional grunting eventually assures my fellow apes that I am one of them and not a poacher nor law enforcement. Since I tend to over-think everything in my life, the steam room is one of the few places where I can usually suspend my analytic mind for a few minutes and just be an impulsive, sexual being. To me, workouts and massages are not complete without release. (Insert more judgement here.)
This morning, a hot guy walks into the steam room. He has an attractive face, beautiful head, smooth skin and well-proportioned, muscular body. At first, no eye contact is made but I can see the outline of a nice-sized dick through his towel. He sits near me, casually "adjusts" his cock, pretends to stretch his arms while releasing a long exhale which gradually grows into a soft moan. He sits back, half slouching, and spreads his legs wide, resting his hand directly on the bulge under his towel. I reply by slowly applying baby oil (yes, I had baby oil in the steam room today, quit judging!) to my arms, shoulders, chest, and then very slowly work my way down my abs to the tendons on either side of my crotch. I have his full attention. I open my towel and he does the same. He rubs his thighs. I rub mine. Momentarily, he makes eye contact and I do not look away. The contract is sealed.
I move over to sit next to him and massage a little oil on his broad, round chest. He is quickly erect and stroking with one hand while the other is rubbing my balls. Then, he moves his hand from my balls to my taint to my asshole and wiggles his finger on it. Now I'm hard. All good, right? Not quite. He takes his hand from my crotch, puts it on my head and quickly, aggressively, forces it toward his cock ordering me to "Suck my dick, boy." I sit up just as he continues, "You want me to fuck that pussy?"
Aaannd...scene. What turns me off? Status. Forget the fact that, at 46 years old and probably 10 to 15 years older than this gorilla in the mist, I am nobody's "boy." What really turns me off - pisses me off, actually - is that he was establishing dominance, not to mention physically forcing me to service him. Yes, I realize there are people who find that hot. I do not. It is no different when I am referred to as "daddy." I do not want to be dominated nor do I want to dominate. Then this guy, says the absolute deal-breaker: "pussy." Now, I am totally in my head and becoming truly angry that his derogatory term for female genitalia is not only enforcing his need to establish dominance but it also opens the window into his latent misogyny. I stand and leave. Okay, the "misogyny" comment might be unfair and ridiculously politicizing a hook-up... but that's where my mind went and that's a boner-shrinker.
In short, I do not want higher status nor lower status. What really turns me on is equality, mutual attraction, and respect. Had he not violated the unwritten law of steam room cruising by speaking, we'd have both gotten off and moved on. Maybe. Probably.
A tiny leap, but stay with me...
Last weekend, AnterosMedia.com began its much-anticipated beta launch. I applaud my friend Devon Hunter's depiction of "sexually explicit media that portrays reciprocal desire between well-adjusted people." I am honored that I have been part of this company since the first day of shooting.
I understand that sex, sexuality and sexual attraction are fluid, complicated and widely diverse. I also understand that what turns me on isn't necessarily what turns other on, but I am thrilled to have a home at Anteros Media which perfectly fits into my personal sexual aesthetic. No status play. Just hot, horny guys making each other feel good.