Wednesday, July 4, 2012

No Status, Please.

In my four years in the porn industry, I have often been asked what turns me on and what turns me off. Worried that I am not naturally sexy enough, I frequently embellish the truth or just flat out lie in favor of sustaining some porn star fantasy I think people expect. Two recent events have prompted me to blog the truth about my turn ons and offs: a hook-up gone sour and a new website.

Judge me all you want but I happen to love the steam room at the gym. It's my own perverted version of Gorillas In The Mist: primal, non-verbal communication in a humid environment where mimicking actions and occasional grunting eventually assures my fellow apes that I am one of them and not a poacher nor law enforcement. Since I tend to over-think everything in my life, the steam room is one of the few places where I can usually suspend my analytic mind for a few minutes and just be an impulsive, sexual being. To me, workouts and massages are not complete without release. (Insert more judgement here.)

This morning, a hot guy walks into the steam room. He has an attractive face, beautiful head, smooth skin and well-proportioned, muscular body. At first, no eye contact is made but I can see the outline of a nice-sized dick through his towel. He sits near me, casually "adjusts" his cock, pretends to stretch his arms while releasing a long exhale which gradually grows into a soft moan. He sits back, half slouching, and spreads his legs wide, resting his hand directly on the bulge under his towel. I reply by slowly applying baby oil (yes, I had baby oil in the steam room today, quit judging!) to my arms, shoulders, chest, and then very slowly work my way down my abs to the tendons on either side of my crotch. I have his full attention. I open my towel and he does the same. He rubs his thighs. I rub mine. Momentarily, he makes eye contact and I do not look away. The contract is sealed.

I move over to sit next to him and massage a little oil on his broad, round chest. He is quickly erect and stroking with one hand while the other is rubbing my balls. Then, he moves his hand from my balls to my taint to my asshole and wiggles his finger on it. Now I'm hard. All good, right? Not quite. He takes his hand from my crotch, puts it on my head and quickly, aggressively, forces it toward his cock ordering me to "Suck my dick, boy." I sit up just as he continues, "You want me to fuck that pussy?"

Aaannd...scene. What turns me off? Status. Forget the fact that, at 46 years old and probably 10 to 15 years older than this gorilla in the mist, I am nobody's "boy." What really turns me off - pisses me off, actually - is that he was establishing dominance, not to mention physically forcing me to service him. Yes, I realize there are people who find that hot. I do not. It is no different when I am referred to as "daddy." I do not want to be dominated nor do I want to dominate. Then this guy, says the absolute deal-breaker: "pussy." Now, I am totally in my head and becoming truly angry that his derogatory term for female genitalia is not only enforcing his need to establish dominance but it also opens the window into his latent misogyny. I stand and leave. Okay, the "misogyny" comment might be unfair and ridiculously politicizing a hook-up... but that's where my mind went and that's a boner-shrinker.

In short, I do not want higher status nor lower status. What really turns me on is equality, mutual attraction, and respect. Had he not violated the unwritten law of steam room cruising by speaking, we'd have both gotten off and moved on. Maybe. Probably.

A tiny leap, but stay with me...

Last weekend, AnterosMedia.com began its much-anticipated beta launch. I applaud my friend Devon Hunter's depiction of "sexually explicit media that portrays reciprocal desire between well-adjusted people." I am honored that I have been part of this company since the first day of shooting.

I understand that sex, sexuality and sexual attraction are fluid, complicated and widely diverse. I also understand that what turns me on isn't necessarily what turns other on, but I am thrilled to have a home at Anteros Media which perfectly fits into my personal sexual aesthetic. No status play. Just hot, horny guys making each other feel good.

10 comments:

  1. I don't blame you in the least, what the guy did was downright rude and crude. He should have kept his mouth shut and just went with it.

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  2. Thanks for your comment, Mary! I chose to blog about this not because he was rude but because the general assumption is that guys in porn live their lives as hyper-masculine, sexually aggressive people. This guy recognized me as Bryan and, understandably, expected to behave as if we were in a video. (And, probably, because this is the behavior he finds hot. ) Anteros Media is one of the few gay porn sites which offers something different: an atmosphere of mutual attraction, romance, and respect. I hope the site fosters a different perception of the adult entertainment industry of which I am so proud and grateful to be part.

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  3. Bryan
    I love you to death, but you're being a little hypocritical.
    I've seen a couple of videos you've shot for Phoenixxx and you didn't seem to mind dominating some twink for money.
    Your gorrilla in the mist has just as much right to his fantasies as you do - while you don't have to fulfill his. It's a little naive to think you can stroll into a steam room and everyone knows your inner most thoughts.
    Peace bro!

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  4. You make good points, lthrbtmboi, and you're right that I've done the "domination daddy" thing on film. Generally speaking, porn is about creating a fantasy and, sometimes, the fantasy we create on film is different our own.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and for writing your comments. I hope you've enjoyed some of the fantasies I've created.

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  5. Thx for responding!
    The moral of the story is great sex comes from some sort of communication. Sometimes it's unspoken and everything falls into place, but when it doesn't don't be afraid to speak your mind.
    Your daddy scene with Ryan Sharp was one of the hottest scenes you have done. What made it so hot was watching your reluctance to spank Ryan at the begginning, but once you saw his reaction to it, you just went for it!!! Your passion in every scene you do comes through. Keep it up. Will check out the new site

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  6. I know this wasn't your favorite experience but the first part of the reading was so hot! It made me create a huge tent! I see your point that was an unnecessary situation. lthrbtmboi also brought up a good point but I have to say I love when you dominate your co-stars and that you should continue to dominate them! haha. I'm a 25 year old fan of yours and one of my favorites scenes ever is of you with zach alexander in Doctors and Dads. Marry me sir!

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  7. Thank you, Cj T. I loved shooting Doctors and Dads and especially working with Zach Alexander. He's so sexy and a total dream to work with. XXX

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  8. You are so well spoken, it's just another layer of appeal for me. I would have loved to be that man in the steam room, but for me, my pleasure derives from pleasuring others. I get so hard feeling another man's arousal from my actions, his responses feeding my desires, that I would have wanted to worship you, your physical beauty, and hope for moans and grunts of pleasure to encourage me. I'm not consciously playing a role here, and I know domination is a game a lot of men enjoy, but all I would have wanted is to feast on you, and to take my own pleasure in being able to satisfy you, in that moment. I'm hoping that makes sense to you - you're someone I can only dream about, but what is life without dreams?

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  9. When I wrote my comment of July 14, I had not yet viewed the full video of you paired with Mitch Branson. I had only seen the preview, which was enough to convince me to join the site. Now, having enjoyed that scene twice, I have to say I could have played Mitch's role within that scene, because he was as much in awe of you, your body, your torso, your chest, your nips, your abs, and your magnificent cock, as I would have been. Thank you, again, for portraying men who are so into each other, and so overtly comfortable in your own sexuality, that inhibitions don't get in the way. I envy today's gay youth, that role models such as yourself exist to positively portray their comfort in their own sexuality, which didn't exist in my youth.

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  10. I agree with the comment from Sean and I am also glad to see men in the industry like yourself who are willing to talk about this subject.

    Yes the adult industry is about creating fantasy but it can ALSO be about fostering positive and respectful views toward each other.

    This is something that mainstream media has harangued the adult industry about since the beginning and they do have a point. So why can’t we have both, fantasy delivered with a healthy dose of equality, mutual satisfaction and respect?

    Showing that men always need to be in a dominate/aggressive role is not always needed, healthy or helpful. All sides to the male persona should be shown and I thank you for having the courage to speak openly about this important topic.

    I believe men like yourself and production companies like AnterosMedia.com can go a long way in giving a balance and positive direction to the world of adult entertainment. Thank you

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